dare to be

Many decisions we should make in our life,and attitudes toward are much different.deep down,what kinda decision you did is not the point,when you turn around,you can find that so much pities there were.Face it directly,do what you heart head, go ahead and never look back.In some sense,looking back make you brood and decrease you courage to do somethings,then beat down you confidence,therefor look ahead better,there many new things which interest you badly,new methods,new friends and new circumstance,full of challenge,it is not rountine.I know the theory,but i can not craw out of it,i am still in the zone,mayor of the zone.Nostalige i am,many boring things around my head when i lay on bed and prepare to sleep,i know that i gotta stop it,but harder i try,deeply i trap.Unfortunately,that kind of consideration is in vain,i can not figure it out,insteadly mess it more than it was.I wonder how life's going hard on me,sometimes i feel tired and i know that i need relax,i wanna release my emotions,shout in the midnight,fight with someone.So many rules in my life,i have no idea whether i should break it into pieces.thanks my god,he did many things which i supposed to do,reshape my rule over and over again.When we was born,seems that we were the same,no status, no reputation,love is the same.life changes us,so we are all paticular,a series decisions make what you are now.No matter what life you are through,we can not turn back time,so we accept it,find the joy in it,that would be good,then pack what you have,walk ahead till the end of the life road.Much to say,but hard to express,just tell myself do things ture to my heart,not care risking somethings you owed,no pain no gain, i knew it,i got it,to do next clear somethings out of my head,just fight,and oneday,i will be there i like,may it come quick,and hope myself easy,easy,faith's not changed,life is still going on

Never thought i would feel this way,it is hard to express in words,but i know that i am falling.i am addicted to this,i am out of control.truely,sometimes i am a slave,not capable to walk out of the way,this is an opportunity and i do not wanna it slipped away from my hands.No matter what would happen,i am gonna be true to my heart,and walk with the one till the end.

Losted!i can not figure out what i did last night,i went to bed much early,at about a quarter to ten PM. When i saw a man in Meng's room at the first sight,i found that i can not abide this kind of situation,and i was ashamed that i also did that stupid thing before.That was the reason that send a message to her.hope she can change.may her understand.

Now,i am missing the past days,things i can not regret there,days i can not forget there.i told Meng my english blog for the exchange for her blog.Sometimes things are not going to walk on the way you like.i have been shanghai for nearly a month,god bless me much,in this new place,once i was  afraid i was not fit to this job,i have no idea how to fill the emptiness inside.so much spare time,but i do never wanna to be this kind of free.deep down ,do these pains go away?everywhere there is some one with your familiar face,it is not the important,i don't care.Long long way to go,before i can say good bye to some one.somethings in our eyes just like shining stars,sometimes they are fading away,but believe that you will see them one day.listen to me,touch my heart,hear my soul, you are gonna find the truth,and thing's not like the way it has been.hope Meng can read my heart clearly,because you should also afraid me,somethings in my hands is also badly sensitive to you.

At the beginning I am much sorry for what I have done, sorry for writing this letter in English, I could write in Chinese, but I would not, ‘cause Chinese words are familiar and some of them would hurt me much,which have been kicked out of dictionary, so say sorry firstly. I know that I have said sorry over and over again, perharps even the beginning is wrong, and the ending including this letter is also incorrect, certainly absolutely it is my fault, I made it, ‘cause I did nothing Positive and I messed it. I have no idea whether I let the opportunities slip away from my hand, or there is no chance s always. I have been hesitating since I found that we could be thing. Once I thought things would go easy, and now you have told me easy and back would be better. I have to confirm that I am wrong 'cause I simplified the situation, or deep down we are wrong for each other, I do not have gift to handle these things, in this field I am the new. To me, some words are hard to say, some acts are difficult to do. You misunderstood me, if you would touch my heart and hear my soul, you should have found the truth different from what you thought. Now I am depressed even more than I was. What I got from the game is indifference and silence except heart breaking. Is these what I hope to deserve? Affirmly not, they are not my initiation. You always treat me as a kid, and who always kidding, but that is not my nature, I am a very serious man, who like keep alive out. What kind of special things I did is nothing, just the results of my naughty. When you are free, you should think about why you, not any one else. Silence is not a sensible way to cope with me; it hurt me much, so tell me directly, no matter what kind of cosequence,'cause I am almost dead in some aspects. If thing's keep going like this way, both of us would feel more embarrassed than that of we are experiencing now. Did you feel it, I believe you did. these days when we met each other, which I hope to freeze permanently, there were few words, few greeting, just like strangers even more bad it was, that disappointed me much and I can feel hollow inside, but I pretend to be nothing happened, ‘cause I thought that would be better for you, I am not happy that is totally because myself and none of others' business. Every time I send message to you, I could guess what in return "what's up, I am not available and I am busy, I do not get enough time if you got nothing”, of course sometimes other words jump out, I am very excited, but it is rarely sometimes. Do not say that 'cause I was boring, so I sent you the message, oh, gee, i am not a freak, this is not the reason, I was missing you at that moment; is this a thing in your definition? I asked you out for several times, you refused whole, first time I thought that was you were shy, second time was you are afraid of me, and third time I believe you wanna hide, so I given up. When I lay on the bed mid-night, you face always front of my eyes, you voice around my head, I have no idea, I can not help, yet how lonely life has been, this is my life, this is my style, this is who I am, I told myself, I am trying to remember something good everyday whole day, and I do remember something good.

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Why many people fall for someon online,which puzzled over and over again.I thought those guys got be mad,was that there was no right people around them,did people could not have love affairs face to face firstly when they were not familier with each other?.Oh noooo!Definitely not,guys,'cause the reason,yeah,the reason that i am doing the something now,a good reason,are you agree with me.Hope not,'cause look around, pretty girls are everywhere and they are looking at you,be hero, be man.Have you known that feeling two people  can communicate very well through short messages by cell phone,but when they come across,it seems that they are strangers,even afraid of looking at each other?Now i am experiencing this,i confess that i like talking with D,but i am not sure whether i shoud step forward.i have been hesitating since i found that there was thing in my heart,peharps man always like beatifule woman.Stranger,D and me,ridiculiously.Today when i went to dining hall,luckliy i met D,badly still cold war,no conversation,no eyes on me,and i only peeped her until she walked out of my eyes' reach.At that moment i felt depressed even more than i was before,and a breaking decision jumped out from my mind,my brain told me to delete her number from my cell phone as the end of that gloomy feeling.And then things went to simple,i yielded one more time,not deleting the number just instead of not sending messages to her from now to...,i do not know.Actually,i am not confident on myself on this thing,but i am trying,ZQ,come on,trust yourself,i believe you can do do it.

Wow sigh,i have not posted for about two months,not a short time for a surfing fan.When i was home,there were no PCs,i had spend more time in the real world.Together with my former classmates is much funny,although some of them had moved out this small town and many of the remaining had to go back to do some job things early after lunar spring festival.Somethings impressed me much that we were not young anymore,some got married,some taken parent role.I have no idea that i am single is a good news or not.all in all i had a good time,everydady during that time what i should do was to get fun,watch TV,play cards,eat and sleep,that was not the importantance,with my old friends and my family is much reasonable to do these 'boring things'.I came back the campus a week later.Now i am not busy,thesis is the only things i am still worried about,in fact it went great at present and seems not hard for me.All in sudden,i realized that campus life is gonna elapse gradually,too much spare time to decide which thing i should do first,so bad, is not it? Got time to killed,things changed,people changed but i did not change,When i miss some guys(god,including girls),i send a SMS to him/her,i do not care whatever i tell,i wanna him/her remmember me who is missing him/her in a remote place.i am pastsick guy,many things remind me of day of past.Frankly speaking,i lost many chances and let these opportunities slip from my hand.Stir up,buddy, figure out where are you going to,what satisfy you,'cause life is limited and youth is short,when you turn round there is not a door opened.Life should have something changed,need something amazing and exciting,and should be colorful,like a bird flying swiftly in the blue sky.I know there are things i now regret and days i  can't forget,but that is the excuse to not move,buddy,gogogggggo fighting for the future,That is your life           

Just a moment ago,two of my roommates picked up and went back home,only me still there.Minute to escape,a few people have not gone in campus,and most of them are post graduates for not getting the permission from their tuitor.I think every body is nastaligia and hope to be together with family.The day after tomorrow,i am gonna go too.Happy Spring Festival your guys

These days i was verrry busy,preparing for and doing my thesis experiments,seems easy but in fact there was huge of things to do.It sounds contradictorily,but when one day you need to do somethings successively you would find that what i said is the truth.It's still raining,and colder.Everyday i get up much late,i wake up and then lay on the bed yet ,sometimes i would fall asleep again.And the weather confuses me always,very gloom and it is hard to identify the accuracy time.Today i told my tuitor that i gotta go back on Jan 20th.When i go back home,what should i do,i think i should have a plan.Time flies........

Much happy that i have gotton the ticket ,that means that i could go back home in time before Spring Festival.Not met too much difficulties,just sent a Short message by my cell phone,and then i got the ticket.God likes me i believe,it is a good beginning in the new year,may good luck be with me the whole year.Now there is a ticket in my hand,nothing could make be cool than this, and happpy new year everybody.